Whispers

PNG in corruption list: Of the 133 countries appearing on Transparency International's 2003 Corruption Index, the following Pacific Islands Forum countries do NOT appear: Solomon Islands, Vanuatu, Nauru, Tonga, Samoa, Niue, Fiji, Cook Islands, Kiribati, Tuvalu, Federated States of Micronesia, Marshall Islands and Palau.

Those that DO appear on the list are Australia, New Zealand and, er, Papua New Guinea. New Zealand appears with Denmark as number 3 on the list, under squeaky clean Finland and Iceland.

Australia, at number 8 place with Norway and Switzerland, is judged to be more corrupt than New Zealand, much to the satisfaction of the New Zealanders. Papua New Guinea isn't alone at place 118. It's got Cote d'Ivoire, Libya and Kyrgystan for company and at that location can take comfort that it's further up the scale than Nigeria and Bangladesh. Also Indonesia.

Does the absence of all those other FICs from the scale mean that they are utterly clean, just about, with no corruption worth recording? That's what some of their governments would be prepared, without a blush, to claim. But Transparency International explains: "There is not sufficient data on other countries, many of which are likely to be very corrupt." With Transparency International branches opened recently in Fiji and Vanuatu, some extra names could be appearing on the 2004 rating.

Deadly road stats: Papua New Guinea's national road safety council has lamented the fact that 254 people were killed on PNG's road last year‹just by vehicles, that is, not highway hold up men. About 90% of the accidents were booze-related, it says. Speed radars and breath tests were tried back in the 1980s as a means of cutting the road death toll until a court unhelpfully ruled them to be unreliable. But if PNG believes the road kill rate is horrific, it's small cheese compared with the rate at which drivers in Fiji are killing themselves and anyone else unfortunate enough to be hit by or travelling with them. The PNG rate is about one for every 212,000 people. The current rate for Fiji is around one mangled corpse for every 10,100 people.

Hunting for cannibals: Does PNG really need a repeat visit by what a British newspaper describes as a Brave Briton, one Reg Barker, who's preparing for what he said was his third holiday trip to the wilds of PNG? He says his ambition is to find cannibals and offer them tobacco in return for stay in one of their tree houses. Does Barker sound like he's been up a tree once too often? "The people live like they did in the stone age. When they eat each other, it's more like a vendetta between tribes," he raves. Seems Barker's wife and two small daughters think that he's up a tree also. They've refused to take the trip with him.

Oz aid aids Ozzies: A big chunk of the millions in money spent hopefully by Australia in the Solomon Islands to restore the country's leaders to the straight and narrow path few of them ever trod anyway, ends up in the pockets of the army of Australian "consultants" and "advisers" to be spotted swarming around Honiara.

One contractor, Patrick Defences Logistics, claims it's not exploiting the locals. Some people felt that it was when they heard that it had cut the pay of Solomon Islanders hired by it.

One Felicity Moffat, who quite likely collects a hefty "hardship post rate" on top of her normal pay, speaking for Patrick says its labourers were still making "at least" 30 percent more than the going Honiara rate.

John Roughan, of the Solomon Islands Development Trust, wonders if Patrick Logistics is just an arrogant lot bent on exploiting workers desperate for a job.

Niue's loss, Samoa's gain: Now that blasted Niue, hurricane blasted that is, can't host the Pacific Islands Forum meeting, where will the leaders be partying next? The Forum round is decided by alphabetical order, more or less, so N for New Zealand (in 2003) N for Niue (2004), and then O, P, Q, R, S. If the alphabet formula means anything, which sometimes it doesn't, then it should be Palau into the breach, dear friends, and then Papua New Guinea. But by the time you read this, it'll be Samoa. The Samoans are springing to the rescue. All of Apia will be a bustle and those who know and appreciate Apia will have no objections to that. And then Palau, followed by PNG?

Hands off, it's Fijian owned: A Fijian resident of Port Moresby had his car stolen. Then it was returned with a message saying: "Mark your car as being Fijian-owned so that we don't steal it. We don't want to steal Fijian-owned cars." So all non-Fijian residents in Port Moresby now know how to ensure the security of their vehicles.

Lost Japanese outpost: How far and high did the Japanese troops who invaded Papua New Guinea penetrate the country's difficult interior? At the foot of Mt Gurupoka, near Korokoreto, near Asao in the Eastern Highlands Province, reports The National newspaper, pistol cases, rifle rounds, helmets, chains, bomb and human bones were found recently in two caves at the foot of the mountain. The relics are thought to be the remains of a lost Japanese outpost. An elderly villager in the district recalled the arrival of Japanese troops fleeing from Australian and American forces.

Happy times in Hapi Isles: Another sign of a reversal of bad times in the Hapi Isles. The Solomon Islands government scored a S$30 million budget surplus for the last quarter of 2003, its first for ages, and ages, and ages. While 2003 spending was S$74 million in excess of the S$259 million originally budgeted, the happy quarter result is being attributed to a smaller payroll, the ending of allowance abuses and the reduction of public service payroll fraud. In other words, armed gangsters are no longer fronting up to the finance minister to demand and receive hefty lumps of cash "compensation".

Personal wealth calculator: Fiji's Capital Markets Development Authority is quite a lively institution and has just produced, for sale, a "personal wealth calculator." It's described as a "powerful planning tool that could dramatically change the way you think about your finances But how many of Fiji's 860,000 people have any finances to think about, with or without a powerful planning tool? With below-the-poverty rate estimates now ranging from 30 to 50 percent, depending on whose estimate is to be believed, a lot of people couldn't raise the F$9.99 the gadget costs.

Shady sheik: Now hear this. Keep an eye open for the shady, shaky Sheik Yakaub Al-Skeikh, the roaming representative for the United Kingdom of Atlantis, said by him to be located northwest of Australia, east of Papua New Guinea, southwest of the Solomon Islands and west of Vanuatu. The bloke recently offered Palau a US$100 million soft loan in return for treaties with and recognition of Atlantis. When Palau used a computer to check coordinates for Atlantis given by the sheik, not so much as a sand cay could be found. In the United States, the chap is wanted for fraud, money laundering, income tax fiddles and lying.

Gold bar fever: There's an unusually bad plague of mosquitoes at Tulagi, in the Solomons, and the locals are complaining because the pests are breeding in vast numbers in holes dug by people looking for gold bars they are sure were left buried by Japanese troops back in 1942. The gold bar fever, something that Papua New Guinea knows about too, broke out in 1996 along with a rising incidence of malaria. Brassed of residents are imploring authorities to stop the digging, an activity which needs a licence. The question being asked is who is issuing licences and where is the licence fees revenue?

Missing per diemed pros: Heard at the Suva Pacific Oceans conference from the exasperated chairman, Alfie Simpson: "They apply to come here, are paid to be here, and they should €€€€ well be present here." By lunch on the conference's first day, a lot of the comfortably per diemed professional people were visibly invisible presences, being in pursuit of yet more leisurely activities here and there around Suva.

Pacific's best kept secrets: A lot of Pacific places claim to be its best kept secret. Others are much more modest, like Vava'u, the gem of Tonga, that the world at large has yet to discover. But getting to Vava'u means a slog through Nuku'alofa and tourists complain about it since it usually means they've two days less time in Vava'u. This may change. Regional airline bosses are being invited to be in Vava'u in March to discuss whether they're interested in operating direct flights there from Nadi, Faleolo, or any other point of departure capable of delivering enough business for such a service. Since the island's airport is up to scratch for only 30/40 seater planes, the number of airlines able to operate there is somewhat restricted, but at least a couple could be in the running.

Other plane intelligence: Solomon Airlines is about to announce the purchase of a Dash 8, a plane with twice the capacity of its Twin Otters. Oh, and don't be surprise if Vanuatu puts out the welcome flag for a certain Australian airline rather earlier than Fiji is hoping to do so.

Historical presence: Why are so many Chinese fishing boats cluttering up Suva Harbour? Not to fish. Not just yet. No, explained regional fisheries bods, for it's just a scam to establish a "historical presence" in the South Pacific so that they can claim a greater spread of fishing rights when the new Pacific high seas fisheries commission, of which China, Japan, Korea and a few other Asian hefties will be members, begins operating quite soon. Do the Pacific Islands really have to accept such a claim as being valid; a few rust buckets tied up in port for a few months? Sure they do. It's part of the price of kow-towing for sports stadiums.

USP VC post: Since the death of Savenaca Siwatibau, the post of Vice Chancellor of the University of the South Pacific is temporarily being held by Fiji's Dr Rajendra Chandra. He has however, registered his interest for the position. But owners of the university, according to the grapevine, have other plans.

The Whispers column is compiled by Robert Keith-Reid and Samisoni Pareti.